


Not in Love

by Purplemagic



Category: Bjyx, MDZS, YiZhan, 陈情令 | The Untamed (TV), 陈情令 | The Untamed (TV) RPF, 魔道祖师 - 墨香铜臭 | Módào Zǔshī - Mòxiāng Tóngxiù
Genre: Angst, BJYX | Wang Yi Bo/Xiao Zhan is Real, Boys In Love, Falling In Love, Friends to Lovers, Heartbreak, M/M, No Fluff, RPF, Slow Burn, Unrequited Love, Wang Yi Bo/Xiao Zhan Character Combinations, Yizhan - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-11-08
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:08:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 19,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26500420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Purplemagic/pseuds/Purplemagic
Summary: Xiao Zhan has to come to terms with the fact that Wang YiBo is not in love with him. They have been best friends and that is what they will ever be...atleast that is what Yibo wants.
Relationships: Wang Yi Bo & Xiao Zhan, Xiao Zhan & Zhang Yi Xing
Comments: 11
Kudos: 74





	1. I'm not in Love

“I don’t love him like that!” Yibo said seriously with a stoic face.

“What do you mean, Yibo?” Xuan Lu asked, shocked at the revelation.

“I mean..I’m not in love…not the kind of love you think anyway” Yibo replied calmly

“And what kind is that?” Xuan Lu countered

“You know what I mean, Jiejie”

“No Yibo.. I don’t.. please do explain so the dumb me can understand. All this time, you have been following him around like a puppy, spend all your time with him, treat his things like your own, fight with him and even flirt with him…and after all this you mean to say that this is not Love?” she couldn’t believe what Yibo was telling her.

“Well..yes..I was just being…myself..my true self with Zhan ge…and..I never flirted. I was just being friendly.. just like any other co star would. I guess everyone misunderstood our friendship. It was never like that Jiejie..never more than friendship. Zhan ge knows that and he feels the same…I hope” he added slowly

Xuan Lu remained silent, unable to tell him the truth. It was not her place to tell, but her heart ached for Xiao Zhan. She knew he will be devastated and somehow she felt responsible…responsible for making Zhan see the non existent love in Yibo’s actions. Zhan was always confused and unsure of Yibo’s feelings..of his own feelings…but she was the one who assured him up that Yibo probably loved him as much as he did..that he might also be protecting his career and reputation and hence not openly expressing his love. She was wrong.. she was so wrong about everything and she hurt Xiao Zhan unintentionally. Nevertheless she hoped that Zhan never finds out about this. It’s better for him to be oblivious and not be crushed over the unrequited love.

“Jiejie…what’s wrong?” Yibo’s words snapped her out of her thoughts and she walked away without another word to Yibo.

“Jiejie wait!” Yibo called but Xuan Lu was gone in an instant.

She went looking for Xiao Zhan in the party. She had to stop him before he put their plan in motion. Last month when the three Untamed siblings met up for a late night dinner, Zhuocheng and Xuan Lu said they’ve had enough of Xiao Zhan pining over Yibo and encouraged him to finally confess. It had been more than a year already and Zhan still couldn’t stop talking about Yibo every time they met. So it was decided that Zhan would confess to Yibo that night.. at the success party of the show. 

Zhan had been a nervous wreck since then. But this isn’t how she expected the night would turn out to be. She has to protect Zhan tonight from heartbreak.

When Xuan Lu found Xiao Zhan, he was talking to Zhuocheng. Zhuocheng was planning the after party hoping Yibo will join Zhan finally as a couple. Zhan simply nodded along agreeing with his plan.

“ZhanZhan..about that…may be you should do this some other time. Tonight.. I just want it to be the three of us.. just the Jiang siblings for one more night” she tried to steer them away from the idea.

“JieJie, what are you saying.. we waited whole month for this..no way..we can’t back out now” Zhuocheng protested but Xiao Zhan could see the concern in his face.

“It’s fine, we can do this some other time” Zhan said rather coldly.

“I’m So..” Xuan Lu was about to apologize when she was interrupted.

“Zhan ge!” Yibo called out and joined them before she could finish 

“Oh! hey Bo di” Xiao Zhan gave Yibo a faint smile.

“Zhan ge.. this party is boring now.. shall we go back to your place and play video games whole night. I don’t have to fly out until noon tomorrow” Yibo pulled on Zhan’s arm teasingly

“Ah Bo di.. before that..I have…” Xiao Zhan started but was interrupted by Xuan Lu.

“Yibo, I need to talk to you, come with me please” Xuan Lu pulled Yibo away before Zhan could say anything.

“What is it now Jiejie..you have been weird tonight” Yibo complained

“Yibo, you just told me you don’t love Zhan and still you want to spend the whole night with him” Xuan Lu barked

“Jiejie, I just want to play games and hang out with him like we always do.”

“Do me a favor Yibo, please stay away from Xiao Zhan.”

“What? Why? Why are you asking me this? I don’t understand.”

“Just leave him be Yibo. Give him a break, he needs space from you. Stop clinging onto him”

“You can’t tell me that. Wait..does Zhan ge want that? Did he ask you to tell me that?”

Xuan Lu thought for a second and decided this is what Zhan might want if he knew the truth, so she lied ”Yes”. 

Yibo seemed shaken and a little hurt but he didn’t argue because he believed that this is what Zhan ge really wanted.

“I will call you later and explain ok. For now just stay away Yibo” she repeated.

“Does Zhan ge..like me?…he loves me? Is that why…” the realization hit him

“Hahaha.. what are you saying Yibo, are you crazy..we all know you are beautiful but not beautiful enough for Xiao Zhan to fall in love..with a kid…you are too young for him… stop kidding yourself and go” she faked a laugh and brushed it off

“Hmm.. then.. I still don’t understand”

“I’ve got to go now Yibo.. we have plans tonight. See you later ok. Bye” and she rushed away leaving a confused Yibo behind.

It took her a lot of effort to convince Zhuocheng to leave the party and hang out at her place..they reluctantly agreed and the 3 of them left the party earlier than expected.

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
“I don’t love him like that!” 

Xiao Zhan heard Yibo say just as he was entering the balcony where Xuan Lu was talking to Yibo. He felt like his heart was ripped open and stomped on…he actually felt physical pain in his chest when he heard that Yibo did not love him the way he did. 

_Have I just been delusional all this while, believing that Yibo felt the same as me. How was I so wrong, how could I misjudge Yibo’s friendship like this? He should never know how I feel..he will probably hate me for being in love with him…with a guy…no..he can never know I can’t hurt our friendship._

Xiao Zhan thought and walked away from there before Xuan Lu or Yibo could spot him. When both of them joined him and Zhuocheng a while later, he tried his best to act normal. He couldn’t let the disappointment and hurt show in his face. He’s good at acting and should be able to pull this off..or so he thought.

  
When the three of them left the party and gathered at Xuan Lu’s house, Zhuocheng demanded an explanation from her for the sudden change in plans.

  
“It’s because she didn’t want me to find out that Yibo didn’t love me back” he blurted out with tears now flooding his eyes.

Xuan Lu was shocked. “Zhanzhan..you know? How? Did you hear us talk?”

“What are you guys saying? what did I miss..someone please explain.” Zhuocheng pleaded.

“It’s nothing di..Yibo.doesn’t love me. Jiejie found out and wanted to get me out of there before I could make a fool of myself. Right Jie?”

Xiao Zhan was now bawling his eyes out..Xuan Lu hugged him tight..patting his back..comforting him.

“It’s ok Zhanzhan. Let it all out. It’s all my fault. I was the one who encouraged you..I made you believe that it was love when it wasn’t. I misunderstood him and hurt you”

“How is this your fault Jiejie, Yibo…that brat! how can he say that..after all the flirting on set. It’s just not us, whole world could see the love in his eyes..everyone believed the same…everyone was fooled by Yibo. Why didn’t you tell me sooner? I would have punched some sense into him right there at the party.” Zhuocheng was furious now

“Are you going to force him into love Zhuocheng? That’s not how this works” she signaled him to be quiet and let Zhan just cry in peace.He grudgingly went back home after Xiao Zhan fell asleep. 

When Zhan woke up after a short nap, he was exhausted and had a bit of a headache from all the crying. When he walked into the kitchen he could hear Xuan Lu on the phone explaining about the events of the night which he could guess to only be Liu Haikuan. 

“Yeah..that’s why we got out early. Sorry I didn’t have time to explain before….Yes ZhuoCheng just left a few mins ago..Zhanzhan is still sleeping..he cried for a while and fell asleep…. yes yes ofcourse…I will let him sleep here tonight..you want to grab some breakfast with us tomorrow?…yes that would be great..”

Xiao Zhan left before he could hear the rest of the conversation. He needed to get home..away from all the pity and sympathy being showered on him. He needed some time and space from everyone to organize his feelings and thoughts. He had to find a way to move on from this without ruining his friendship with Yibo.

  
~~~~~~~~~~

  
When Xiao Zhan reached home that night, Yibo was waiting for him. He was leaning against the door and probably fell asleep waiting for him. _How long had he been waiting_..he wondered.

“Yibo..wake up..Bo di, wake up” he tried to wake Yibo up gently. Yibo suddenly jumped up at the touch as though he was unsure of where he was or how he got there. When he finally got back to reality, he remembered why he was there. He needed answers from Xiao Zhan.

“Zhan ge.. you are back!” 

Xiao Zhan held out his hand to help Yibo up.

“Yibo, what are you doing here? How long have you been waiting? And why were you waiting?”

“Zhan ge..I..I needed to know..are you mad at me?”

“Let’s get inside first”

As soon as he closed the door behind him, Xiao Zhan answered Yibo.

“Why would you think I’m mad at you Bo di”

“I don’t know ge..tonight felt weird. Li jie was angry with me.. she said something about..about love..us. I don’t understand. You declined me when I wanted to hang out..you never did that before…And then you guys left the party early. I couldn’t reach you after that. And…” Yibo looked like he was holding back tears. 

“Jiejie told me to stay away from you, she told me to give you space..I don’t know why..I really don’t understand… I thought.. I thought may be I…aaah my head hurts from all this thinking ge..please just tell me if I hurt you in anyway” Yibo kept rambling on while Xiao Zhan remained calm.

“Bo di, come site down first and have some water. You kind of reek of alcohol. How much did you drink tonight?” Xiao Zhan sat on the couch and gestured Yibo to follow holding out a bottle of water for him.

“I had a few drinks but I’m not drunk enough ge.” He drank some water and sat down next to Xiao Zhan.

“Do I make you uncomfortable ge? Please..please tell me honestly…do you really want me to stay away from you?” Yibo looked so sad now waiting for Zhan’s reply. 

“No Bo di..you don’t make me uncomfortable. You never did and you never will. But yes, I would like some space from you..for the time being.” Xiao Zhan said even before he realized what he had just said. He didn’t want to hurt Yibo but he had to tell him the truth. This was not actually what he wanted, he knows he can not stay away from Yibo…but he had to. If he had to forget his first love then he needed to keep his distance from Yibo.

“Zhan ge..” Yibo now had tears in his eyes. “Is it because of my flirting? Is it because…do you.. do you have feelings for me ge?”  
Xiao Zhan didn’t answer. He couldn’t answer but the silence was the answer that Yibo was looking for. He understood.

“Ge..I’m sorry..I had no idea..I was being childish.. I never considered your feelings..please forgive me ge…I didn’t really understand the consequences of my stupidity…I didn’t..”

“Yibo, please stop. This has nothing to do with you. It’s my problem and I will deal with it on my own. You have nothing to apologize for, you don’t need to apologize for not loving me back” he said, fighting back his tears now.

“I never wanted to hurt you ge..you know that right?”

“I know Yibo…I know..and you didn’t hurt me. Believe me!” That was a lie and Zhan could not even look at Yibo’s eyes when he said that.

“I’m fine.. I will be fine..you don’t have to think about this anymore.. about us..about me..forget this ever happened Yibo.. forget tonight please” he continued. “Just sleep now okay, you need some rest. Take the bed, I will sleep on the couch.”

“No ge..I can’t..I’ll sleep on the couch”

“Yibo please, I insist.”

“Ok fine. But you sure you are not mad at me right? And you are really fine?”

“No I’m not mad and yes I’m fine. Now have some more water and sleep. What time do you have to leave? I will wake you up.”

“My flight is at 11, so I have to leave by 7”

“Ok fine. Good night Bo di.”

Xiao Zhan lay on bed but couldn’t sleep until it was almost time to wake Yibo up. He was hurting..he lied to Yibo that he was fine..in reality, he wasn’t..he might never be. He had fallen so deeply in love with Yibo over the past year and a half that now it was nearly impossible for him to ever be okay with this heart break and move on from Yibo. He really couldn’t blame Yibo for anything though. It was his own doing that he misinterpreted Yibo’s feelings. Yibo never directly expressed his love. Zhan just assumed that was the case. Yes, Yibo treated him differently but he was just being friendly with Xiao Zhan. He didn’t open up easily to everyone and when he did this is how he behaved…with everyone.. probably. It was Xiao Zhan’s fault that he mistook himself to be special, misread the signs…his own fault that he was in this mess. Now he had to find a way out of this situation.

~~~~


	2. Friends to Strangers

Three weeks had passed since that night. The night that Yibo spoke to Xiao Zhan for the last time. It was unusual for the two of them to spend these many days apart without talking or texting..they usually always found time for each other…a simple hi..or good night..or to share some funny memes or just checking up on each other…because they were best friends. Just that.. friends. 

A month ago Yibo was looking forward to the success party of The Untamed. The prospect of meeting Xiao Zhan and rest of the cast members after a long time excited Yibo. Although the night did not go as expected for him.

The party started off well, with short speeches from the director and producer and cake cutting by Yibo and Xiao Zhan. Then everyone dispersed into smaller groups catching up with each other, enjoying the success of the show, when Yibo overheard a conversation of two young female crew members. 

“I’ve always been a fan of the novel but after watching the show, I’m now a fan of Wang Yibo and Xiao Zhan. I really hope they get their happy ending just like in the novel.” the first woman said

“Don’t say that. The actors are different from the roles they played. You can’t possible think they are in same kind of relationship. That’s just nuts!” the second replied

“It’s not though! Don’t you remember how Wang Yibo used to flirt with Xiao Zhan all the time on the set. All of us on set cheered on for him” The first woman said giggling and continued “I’m pretty sure he’s smitten..although I can’t be sure of Xiao Zhan’s feelings”

Yibo was annoyed and grouchy when he heard this and was about to yell at the woman for spreading false rumors but he was stopped by Xian Lu.

“What’s wrong Yibo, you look mad”

“I’m gonna give those girls a piece of my mind! They are talking crap about me and Zhan ge’s relationship.”

“Who are they Yibo? And what do you mean? What were they saying exactly?” she enquired

“Jiejie.. just because we were friendly on set, they think that we love each other now”

Xuan Lu laughed. “That’s what whole of China thinks Yibo. Isn’t that why your CP is number one on all the charts. Don’t bother with them Yibo, ignore it and move on.”

“But.. they think I was flirting with Zhan ge and that…that I’m in love with him. That’s just ridiculous.”

Xuan Lu laughed again. She gestured Yibo to bring his ear close to her and whispered “Between you and me, we know that it is the truth right?”

Yibo gave her a puzzling look. “What are you saying, JieJie. That is not the truth.”

And then all hell broke loose. In an instant he lost his best friend and rest of the cast members he once considered family. He suddenly became an outcast unintentionally. He initially thought everything will go back to normal as time goes by, its been a while now and he now misses his friends..he misses Xiao Zhan.

Yibo has too many things he wants to share with his Zhan ge..about the song he wrote..about his upcoming new year’s eve performance..about his latest law suit…he needs his friend..his ge..by his side to listen to his thoughts..give him advice..just be there for him like he has always been for the past year and a half. 

Despite that he couldn’t call Xiao Zhan. Zhan had requested Yibo to stay away and Yibo promised he would. He has to stick to his word even if the distance is killing him inside.

Yibo got used to having Xiao Zhan in his life. He had never been this close to any one before.. not even his UNIQ bandmates or DDU brothers. Xiao Zhan was different in every way and Yibo loved that fact…he was kind, sensitive, funny, caring and most importantly could understand Yibo like no one else ever did.. not even his parents. Yet now he has lost his Zhan ge forever.  
It bothered him that everyone misunderstood his actions and blamed him for Xiao Zhan’s hurt. None of their friends even took the time to check up on him after that night. Everyone alienated him for no mistake of his. He was also lonely and hurt but apparently only Xiao Zhan’s feelings mattered to everyone. 

_Am I being petty thinking like this? Then be it, I did not do nothing wrong and it hurts that my so called friends treat me different from Xiao Zhan. Fine.. they want me out of their lives..that is what they will get. I will be fine without them..even without Zhan ge. I have been lonely and cold before I met them, I will just go back to that. Not a big deal._ Yibo promised himself.

~~~~~~~~~~~

The past month had been the worse for Xiao Zhan. The days felt long and the nights were longer and he spent every waking minute thinking about Yibo. Even though he knows now that pining over lost love is not going to bring Yibo back, he still couldn’t stop thinking about him..couldn’t stop loving him.

He had never felt this kind of heartbreak before. Of course he had dated before..in college… but he was never in Love, so the breakups never bothered him as much.

Wang Yibo was his first love, the first time he ever felt alive and truly happy was the day when Yibo yelled at the top of the his lungs “Zhan ge…Didi ai ni”. It was so unexpected and Zhan’s heart skipped a beat even if he had to laugh it off to not raise suspicions among the cast and crew. If there was ever a doubt in Zhan’s mind about Yibo’s feelings, it was cleared the second time Yibo shouted “Didi ai ni”

He was on cloud nine waiting/hoping for the day when Yibo would actually confess to him. But that did not happen…his cloud bubble burst when he learnt that it was all a joke to Yibo…his feelings never mattered…it was just all in good play. He spent the last one and a half years of his life hoping his feelings will be returned. Oh! he was so wrong…so crushed. In one night, he lost his love as well as his best friend. And he had no idea what it would take for him to move on.

_Yibo obviously likes girls and I made a fool of myself letting him know of my feelings. Now its apparent that he’s disgusted with me because he never once attempted to call or text me. I revealed my feelings and it didn’t take him long to forget about me…like I didn’t even matter enough to him. Now he must believe that I don’t even deserve his friendship let alone his love._ _May be if I wasn’t greedy..may be if I didn’t tell him the truth..if I had just kept my feelings to myself, he would have at least been a part of my life today…I would have still had my friend with me today._ _We are suddenly strangers...no longer friends_

  
He spent most of his days self loathing unable to fill the hole Yibo has left in his heart.

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
Xian Zhan was notified by his manager that he has been invited for a new year’s performance on one of the biggest TV channels in the country. He was very excited, he always wanted to perform on TV for new year’s. Yet he held his breath until the final list of performers for the night was released, couple of weeks later. He breathed a sigh of relief when Yibo’s name was not on the list, but was also surprised when he saw that he had to perform a duet with Zhang Yixing. 

Xiao Zhan had always been a fan of Yixing since he debuted with the group EXO, but he never met him in person before. So he was thrilled to both meet one of his favorite idols and also to perform along side him. At last he had something to look forward to…something to distract him from his disturbing thoughts. He had another two weeks before the rehearsals began for the show.

When Zhan finally met Yixing, he was over-excited and over enthusiastic to get to know more about his idol.

“Nice to meet you, Yixing. I’m Xiao Zhan”

“Ofcourse! who doesn’t know you these days? Good to meet you too, Xiao Zhan. Wow! you are even more handsome in real life. And that mole is gorgeous. Don’t be too formal ZhanZhan, you can call me Lay by the way.”

Zhan was taken aback with the sudden praise and friendliness, so he giggled awkwardly and just bowed his head down again and again in respect. “Uh..Thank you..thank you..Lay”. After a minute of embarrassed silence, Zhan was glad when the director came out to explain them the concept and other details of the performance. 

Rest of the day was smooth sailing with both of them focusing on the performance and Zhan found that Lay was unexpectedly friendly and fun to be around with. They spent the next 4 days rehearsing and chatting up about EXO offstage. Lay indulged Zhan as much as he wished and gave him enough inside scoop about the band and Korea in general to last him a life time.

Spending time with Lay, reminded Zhan a lot about Yibo. While talking about Korea, Lay would sometimes switch to the language unconsciously, something which Yibo also did a lot. And he would be just way too excited talking about the idol life in Korea, on how different it is from China and Zhan knew about it because Yibo had told him many a times. And lastly Zhan sensed that Lay may be was interested in him or may be he was just misreading the signs again…like with Yibo. _Is this sort of teasing and flirting common in Korea and I’m not aware of it? How is it that both of them are the same? Ah! Why am I comparing the two now. I should stop this. Guess I’m just reading too much into it_. Zhan discarded the thought and then forgot about it once the performance was over and they both went separate ways. They didn’t keep in touch for a while after that due to their busy schedules except for following each other on Weibo.

  
Lay and Xiao Zhan were finally meeting again tonight after almost a month at the Weibo Awards and they were also seated next to each other.

When Lay walked over, Zhan stood up and bowed down to greet him. 

  
“Ah Zhan Zhan, you’ve become more handsome in the last month I see” he teased. Zhan giggled and turned around to greet rest of the artists sitting around him. It was not until the show had started that he spotted Yibo on the other side of Lay. He smiled briefly at him and quickly averted eyes to save any uneasiness. To distract himself, he engrossed himself in conversation with Lay, catching up on the past month. But he could feel Yibo’s gaze in their direction once a while, so he was growing more and more anxious as the time passed.

At long last, he was ushered back stage for a quick interview and Zhan lingered around his dressing room long after the interview was over…It was time for Yibo’s performance and Zhan knew that he won’t be able to watch it without his emotions overwhelming him. So he just decided to walk around the restricted second floor area where no one could disturb him. 

As soon as he was out of everyone’s sight, Lay rushed past him, grabbed his wrist and pulled him into the restroom, closing the door behind them.

“Lay…what are you…” Zhan couldn’t complete the sentence as Lay cupped his face in his hands. 

“Xiao Zhan..I don’t want to be impulsive here..but I don’t think I misjudged the look in your eyes. You know that I like you and I believe you like me back too”

“Lay..I..you don’t know anything about me” Zhan mumbled but he did not push the other man away.

“We have time later to know everything about each other…right now I just want to know if I can kiss you”. Lay brushed his lips lightly against Zhan’s at first and promptly started kissing him when Zhan did not resist or push him away.

Lay slowly deepened the kiss and found his way inside Zhan’s mouth when he slightly opened his mouth to gasp for air. 

_This feels so good…It’s been forever since I’ve been kissed like this. Ah! I waited so long for Yibo to kiss me like this. Wait Yibo! why am I thinking about him when I’m kissing someone else and supposed to enjoy this moment. Stop it Zhan._

“Aah!” Xiao Zhan was snapped out of his thoughts when a cold hand slipped under his shirt and caressed his nipple. _No No No…what am I doing.. why am I kissing someone when I still can’t stop thinking about Yibo. I have to stop._

  
“mmm..Lay..we have to stop. Someone might come in” he tried to pull apart from the kiss but Lay found his Adams apple to kiss and suck instead without letting him go.

“No one will come, its fine” he murmured and continued the onslaught of kisses.

The momentary weakness had passed, the minute Yibo came into his mind, and Xiao Zhan was not into the make out session anymore.

He hit the brake when Lay’s other hand squeezed his butt tightly…his mind was telling him how dangerous this situation could become if they don’t stop right away. So he tried to push him away again.. "Stop Lay…please” he tried first time. When Lay wouldn’t stop kissing, he yelled at him to stop again and forced himself out of his hands. 

The next thing he knew, there was a knock on the restroom door and Wang Yibo was on the other side. 

~~~~~~~~


	3. New Start

When Yibo approached the private rest room at the far end of the second floor corridor, he felt he heard a scream. But he didn’t see anyone around so he proceeded to open the door. As he touched the door handle, he heard someone yell “NO!” from inside. It was definitely not a mistake this time. But the door was locked from inside and he couldn’t get in. So he banged on the door repeatedly.

“Hello.. who’s there? What’s happening? Open the door right now or I will call security”

He was shocked when the door opened and Xiao Zhan stood there with an embarrassed look on his face.

“Zhan ge! What..are you ok? What’s wrong? Was it you? Why did you scream?” Yibo asked Zhan holding to his shoulders.

“Bo di..I’m fine. Calm down” 

It was then that a shadow walked out from behind the wall. It was Lay. 

“Hey Yibo! Didn’t mean to startle you” Lay said sheepishly

He looked at Lay and then examined Xiao Zhan head to toe. Yibo was startled at Xiao Zhan’s appearance. His lips were swollen, his hair disheveled and his shirt was rumpled. Yibo was furious when he understood the meaning behind the scream.

“Zhan ge..are you sure you are fine? Did he do something to you? Tell me” Yibo yelled rolling his hand into a fist and almost jumped on Lay to punch him in the face even without waiting for Xiao Zhan’s reply. But Zhan held him back in time to stop the attack.

“Yibo.. what are you doing?” Lay complained

“Stop it Yibo..It’s not what it looks like. Don’t hurt him..he didn’t do anything” Xiao Zhan spoke

“What the hell do you mean ge.. look at you.. you are trembling..I’m going to kick this son of a ….”

“Yibo! That’s enough! I’m not some delicate flower that you need to protect, ok. I can take care of myself. Trust me when I say, whatever happened here..happened because I wanted it. This is personal between us and you better not get involved” Xiao Zhan scowled at Yibo.

“Ge..but.. I was just trying to help”

“Well, I don’t need your help Yibo. We are not friends anymore remember. So please don’t be bothered. Leave me alone” Xiao Zhan snapped and walked out the restroom leaving the shocked Yibo behind. Lay followed him out.

Yibo was appalled with what just happened. He was unsure of his feelings at the moment…was he furious that Zhan ge had moved on from him so soon, or jealous that he chose Lay over him and shocked with what he just almost witnessed. Regardless, he was hurt. Hurt by what Xiao Zhan said, hurt but knew that he deserved this slap back from Xiao Zhan after what he did to him.

They had not been on talking terms lately, just the occasional acknowledgment of each other’s presence when they meet in events or award shows. But Yibo had been keeping tabs on Xiao Zhan online. He reads through all the news, watches all his performances, hears all the rumors. He would never concede but he misses his Zhan ge more than he ever thought he would. 

So he had seen Lay and Zhan’s performance together on new year’s eve and seen how their popularity rose among the fans..how the most popular CP in the country was now being replaced by this new sudden pairing. He wasn’t happy with everything going on around Xiao Zhan but he had no right to interfere, so he let go hoping the craze will subside eventually.

When Yibo arrived at the Awards show that night, he was seated 2 seats away from Xiao Zhan and Zhan was engaged in a conversation with Lay. They exchanged a brief glance and Zhan returned to the conversation. He did not really see anything out of the ordinary between the two except for the occasional chatter or locking eyes in the passing. But he did observe that both of them disappeared back stage together just before it was his turn to perform and when he didn’t see them at their designated seats even after his performance he just thought they left. He just never expected them to…never expected to run into them in the restroom like this.

It finally dawned on him that Xiao Zhan was may be in a relationship with some else now…someone right for him..someone who liked him back and some one who deserved him probably. He has known Lay for a while now, they’ve worked together previously and he was always fond of him. May be subconsciously he didn’t mind the two of them together. But before he could think like that, he needed to confront Xiao Zhan and know the truth about their relationship.

  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

  
Xiao Zhan left the venue soon after the incident. He didn’t even talk to Lay about what just happened and was not even answering his calls. After a while of unanswered calls, Lay sent him a text.. “Can we talk please?”

Zhan left the message on read. He needed some time after the confrontation with Yibo and also had to process his thoughts and feelings before he could talk to Lay.

After a long hot shower, Zhan lay on his bed thinking back on the night’s events again. He was aware of Yibo’s eyes on him during the event, still couldn’t understand his reaction when he found them in the restroom. He was considering apologizing to Yibo for being rude when the door bell rang and he found Yibo on his door step again.

“What are you doing here Yibo? Are you drunk again? Its very late Yibo..go home”

“Please Zhan ge..I’m..I’m not drunk. I just came by to talk.. 5 mins please”

“It’s always the same with you Yibo, you always get what you want..one way or the other” Zhan said angrily and Yibo’s face dropped at the curtness in his voice. Xiao Zhan instantly regretted saying that and apologized. 

“Sorry Bo di..I didn’t mean that. First..come inside”

As soon as they reached the living room, Zhan asked “So what do you need to talk about tonight?”

“About earlier…” Yibo started

“I’m sorry about earlier too Yibo. I think I came out strong and rude. Sorry.. It was just..you were just acting so rash and not listening to me, so I snapped.”

“Actually ge..I want to apologize too..May be.. I was wrong. May be..I misunderstood the situation. I didn’t know..didn’t know about you and..” Yibo trailed off without completing the sentence in hope that Zhan will stop and correct him. When that did not happen, he continued.

“Sorry, I really didn’t know”

“Well, now you know. So it’s ok, no need to apologize anymore.” Zhan said, expecting he got the answer he was looking for and would leave soon. But Yibo just stood there, staring down the floor and fidgeting.

“What is it Bo di.. do you have something else to say?”

“It was just unsettling to see you like that and I lost it for a second.. I was so angry…it irked me to think that Yixing ge would…with you..”

“So you were bothered because Lay was with me?”

“No..that’s not what I want to say”

“Then what Bo di..I was not good enough for you and now you want to tell me that I’m not good enough for Lay too?”

“What the hell are you saying ge.. I never said that and this.. this has nothing to do with him”

“Then what the hell is this Yibo.. because I don’t understand what you are doing here. Either you are here to tell me that I don’t deserve Lay or….”

Yibo cut him off. “It’s not like that ge..he is the one who doesn’t deserve you..and I..I don’t deserve you…you deserve all the happiness in the world.”

Yibo’s words should have comforted Xiao Zhan but he was hurt. Yibo’s actions did not justify his words. Zhan was lost contemplating the sincerity behind those words, when Yibo spoke again.

“I..Zhan ge...I just want to know…you..if you and Ge..are…are you guys dating?” Yibo blurted out.

“So what if we are? It’s my life Yibo, I can date anyone I want” Xiao Zhan snapped.

“Yes..I guess you can.. I…I was just curious”

“Then can you please forget about tonight?”

“Ge..I just want to know if you have feelings for him”

“And why should I tell you about that Bo di? You just said you are not bothered by it. So go home and forget about all this”

“Answer me ge.. please. I..I need to know”

“Don’t be a brat Yibo. I don’t think you have the right to ask me that and I have no obligation to tell you either. Now go home, it’s very late and I’m tired.”

“But if you don’t like him then why were you kissing him?” Yibo refused to let it go

“Wang Yibo, I decide who I want to kiss and who I want to sleep with. And I’m saying it again, I don’t need to tell you why. You can’t come into my house and demand to know about my personal life..my life that you did not want to be a part of”

“That’s not entirely true..you were the one who asked me to stay away from you and out of your life..I did not want that” Yibo protested

“You are really testing my patience tonight Bo di”

“I was jealous ok…I was jealous when I saw you with him. I don’t know why. I don’t understand why. I just know that I was jealous and upset.” Yibo yelled

“You have no right to be jealous Yibo. And anyways what do you want me to do now.. you don’t want me and now one else can have me either?”

“No..I’m not saying that. Stop twisting my words.” Yibo said agitated

Without a second thought, he at once plunged forward, pulled Xiao Zhan into his arms and kissed him on the lips before the older man could react or speak anymore.

Zhan was momentarily numbed by the sudden kiss but he recovered quickly to push Yibo away and land a punch right on his face.

“What the hell are you doing Yibo? What is wrong with you? Do I look like a play toy to you, how long will you play with my feelings like this” Zhan was now crying

“I’m so sorry ge.. I didn’t mean to…I don’t know what came over me”

When Yibo spoke, Zhan noticed the blood from his cut lips.

“Yibo! you are bleeding. I’m sorry I punched you in the face. You surprised me and it was just an instant reflex.” Zhan pulled him into the kitchen and grabbed the first aid box from under the sink. 

“Ge..I’m really sorry” Yibo apologized when Xiao Zhan was applying the medicine to his lips. Zhan remained quiet with even looking at Yibo. He was about to put the medicine away when he was done, but Yibo pulled his wrist. 

“Zhan ge.. your hand.. let me apply the medicine on that too”

Zhan pulled his hand back and walked away from Yibo.

“I’m sorry for punching you, but please don’t do that again. You should go now..and..and may be don’t come back. Lock the door behind you Yibo. Good bye” Zhan showed him the front door, walked into his own bedroom and closed the door shut without even looking back once. He stood by the door until he heard footsteps walking out and the front door locking behind Yibo.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Xiao Zhan has never been this furious at Yibo. 

  
_He hurts me, ignores me and then he freaking kisses me? What the hell is he thinking! I don’t understand him..and all this while I thought I knew him well and I…I loved him…but he’s getting on my nerves now. I don’t want to see him.. don’t want to talk to him.. I don’t want to…will I ever be able to not love him?_   
_I needed a way to move on from him and I guess he’s helping me this way. The way he’s acting now..may be it will be easy now to forget my feelings. But why does it have to be this way…I wanted to forget about loving him…never wanted to be mad at him..never wanted to turn my love into hate…this doesn’t make sense._

Xiao Zhan could barely sleep that night and the following week. If he spent the previous few weeks longing for Yibo’s love..now he spent the days trying to forget about him. He really wanted to move on from this mess now.

He decided to finally call Lay and explain himself. 

“Hi Zhan Zhan..I thought you were ignoring me! You are not mad at me are you?” Lay questioned.

“I’m sorry..I meant to call you sooner…it’s just that.. I needed to get my head around something.”

“I didn’t mean to scare you Xiao Zhan. I hope you know.. that my feelings are true. I really do like you Zhan” Lay said as a matter of fact.

How can he just confess to me like that…I never had that much confidence to confess to Yibo

“Helloo…Xiao Zhan?”

“Sorry! I’m Sorry. You didn’t scare me. I was just lost in my own thoughts. I…that night…it was too sudden..I guess I just needed some time”

“I hope you do not regret what happened…are you?”

“No..No..I was just scared that someone would catch us…and the Yibo…”

“Ah Yes! Yibo…Guess I need to clear things up with him. He really looked like he wanted to punch me” Lay chuckled

“We..I spoke to him already. You don’t have to worry about him..just a misunderstanding.”

“Ohk Good! So…”

“So?”

“So…when can we continue from where we left off Zhan zhan. I really want to kiss you right now.”

…..

“Xiao Zhan, I really really wish you know that I just don’t want to make out with you..I really like you and want to go date you”

…..

“What are you thinking now Zhan? How do you feel about me?”

Why can’t I bring myself to say that I like him back…I was the one who called him.. I expected this right? Then why can’t I?  
Zhan hesitated for sometime, unsure of how to respond

“Ok!” he finally replied

“Ok? You mean you want to go out with me?”

“Yes” Zhan replied

“That’s..that’s good! I’m so happy. I’ll be back in town this weekend after my shoot, want to meet up then?”

“Sure!”

“Great! Can’t wait to see you..bye for now”

“Bye!”

I have a date..I’m going on a date with someone else other than Yibo…but why do I have this heavy feeling in my heart? I want to be excited and happy about this but I just can’t bring myself to stop thinking about Yibo at this moment.

~~~~~~~~~~~


	4. Jealousy or Envy

Xiao Zhan was a nervous wreck for the rest of the week. He hadn’t been on a date in a while…heck…he had never been on one with someone from the industry…he was scared that someone would find out…they would be outed and his career would be over..and to top it all he was dispirited that he was going out with Lay…not Yibo, like he had hoped. But Yibo’s message was loud and clear in his head..he didn’t have feelings for him..atleast not the same way as he does. Yet he couldn’t understand Yibo’s behavior the other night.. what prompted the jealousy…the kiss…

Xiao Zhan subconsciously moved his left thumb across his lips, remembering the kiss. _Did it mean anything to him? Or was it just another one off his cruel jokes?_ His heart ached thinking that probably the kiss meant nothing for Yibo. He decided not to dwell on the minor hiccup in his plan to move on from Yibo and tried his best to focus on Lay and that brought back the nervousness of first dates. By the time it was the weekend, he was emotionally drained by all the mixed feelings in his head.

They planned to meet for a late dinner at a very private restaurant just off the city limits. Lay wanted to pick him up but Xiao Zhan was still skittish about his sasaeng fans spotting them, so he decided to reach the place on his own and meet up there with Lay. When he arrived, he was ushered secretly to the back VIP rooms where Lay was already waiting for him in one of the booths. On seeing him, Lay immediately jumped and pulled him into his arms.

“Xiao Zhan! I missed you!”

“Huh?” Xiao Zhan was embarrassed being in another guy’s arms in public. This was new.

“What? You didn’t miss me? Guess you don’t like me as much then” Lay scowled. “Hahaha.. I was just joking Zhan..Come..sit!”

“Ah sorry..” Xiao Zhan started

“Forget it! Tell me.. how have you been? I have been dying to meet you..waiting for this date”

Xiao Zhan blushed but said nothing. He couldn’t meet Lay’s gaze…he didn’t know how to respond to that.

“Hmm…ok..let’s get you started on some drinks, so you start talking freely..eh?”

“What?” Xiao Zhan raised an eyebrow in protest.

“It’s obvious ZhanZhan, you are nervous.. so let’s have a drink first to relax okay?” Lay held his hand

Zhan smiled slowly and they both ordered some drinks and food. Lay had a way with words that made anyone feel at ease instantly. That was how these two became so close so fast. It wasn’t long before Xiao Zhan relaxed and they started talking as usual updating each other about their individual shows and activities. He finally started to have fun when he spotted Yibo across the room walking towards their booth.

~~

Lay followed Xiao Zhan’s distracted gaze and noticed Yibo walking towards them.

“Oh! Hi Yibo. What are you doing here? Didn’t expect to see you here.” Lay said with a rather unpleasant face. Xiao Zhan buried his face in his food, refusing to look up and acknowledge Yibo’s presence.

“Hi ge..I didn’t expect to see you here too” Yibo replied coldly.

“Hmm..of course you did Yibo! I told you yesterday I was meeting Xiao Zhan here tonight. Don’t you remember?” 

“Ah! did you? Must have slipped my mind ge..sorry I didn’t mean to disturb you both. I just dropped by to grab a quick drink. Been a long tiring week. I’ll just go sit at the bar” Yibo smiled hastily and started to follow the waitress.

“That’s fine. Now that you are here, why don’t you join us? You are not disturbing, come” Lay gestured Yibo to sit down and Yibo immediately took squeezed down next to Lay.

Xiao Zhan feared this would happen the moment he saw Yibo walk into the VIP area. He was now mustering all his control to not punch Yibo in the face again. 

Lay noticed the flustered Xiao Zhan and asked “Are you okay, Zhan? It’s fine if Yibo joins us right?”

Xiao Zhan wanted to say no.. he really couldn’t handle being with Yibo tonight but he just nodded silently and gulped his drink in one go. 

After a while, it felt like Xiao Zhan was alone at the restaurant drinking. Yibo and Lay got busy catching up, reminiscing old times and planning their schedule on their new dance show that was coming up soon. It was like they almost forgot that Xiao Zhan was sitting at the same table except for telling him some funny anecdotes every few minutes to let him be part of the conversation. Xiao Zhan kept drinking, ignoring the two, occasionally nodding and smiling..pretending to listen and follow. 

All through the dinner, Yibo carefully avoided glancing at him, never really spoke to him directly. He just spoke to Lay and even steered clear talking about their show or their behind the scenes antics. Everytime, Lay seemed to press him for details, Yibo effortlessly diverted the topic.

But Xiao Zhan’s mind kept wandering around thinking about the weird situation he was in right now.

_This is the most awkward dinner date ever. I wanted come clean to Lay today.. wanted to tell him about my feelings for Yibo and that I needed more time to make up my mind about him. Rather it turned to be “A recap of Korean culture date with the man you are in love with and the man who likes you”. How did this happen? Why is this happening? Why the hell is Yibo here? He came here knowing we would be here? Does this mean anything or is my mind running wild again?_

Zhan was absentmindedly stabbing the poor dead chicken on his plate over and over again while he finished his fourth drink.

After what felt like a lifetime, Lay got up to head to the restroom. 

“What game are you playing now Yibo?” Xiao Zhan said as soon as Lay was out of sight.

“Nothing much these days ge..I’ve been too busy with work lately”

“Don’t play cute with me! Tell me what you are doing here.”

“What do you mean ge? I told you already, I came to drink and saw you guys. It was just a big coincidence”

“Coincidence my foot!” Xiao Zhan grumbled.

“If I’m making you uncomfortable, I can just go sit at the bar”

Xiao Zhan tried his best to remain reticent but there was only so much he could handle.

“No Yibo, you stay. I think it’s best I leave” He got up and gathered his phone and keys to leave.

“Zhan ge, don’t go, please. I’m sorry. I will go” Yibo pleaded

“Do you have any idea what you are doing to me?”

“Ge!” Yibo's face dropped

Yibo got up to stop him but Xiao Zhan was already rushing out with unshed tears in his eyes. In the elevator, on his way, Zhan texted Lay and apologized for leaving abruptly without notice.

_I hurt him again. Because of my stupidity, because of my childishness, I hurt him again._ Yibo also got ready to leave, when Lay came back to the table.

“Are you leaving, Yibo? And where is Xiao Zhan?”

“I’m sorry ge..I’m sorry I ruined your night!”

“What…what just happened Yibo?”

“I’ll go now ge.. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Yibo, can you talk to me now please. Sit with me for few mins”

Yibo sat back down reluctantly.

“Am I missing something here Yibo? Is there something going on between you two? I don’t want to come in between, so can you tell me honestly?”

“No! You got it wrong. That’s.. he likes you..Zhan ge likes you…he was upset with me for ruining your date and so he left. I’m sorry.”

“What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Why were you here in the first place?”

“I already told you. I’ll go now. I have an early flight tomorrow.”

“So you don’t have any feelings for Xiao Zhan?”

Yibo was flustered and surprised at the question but had no answer. He just stared at Lay unable to come up with a response. 

“Let’s go ge.. I’ll drop you home on the way”

“It’s ok Yibo, you go ahead. I’ll finish my drink and go home. My driver is here anyway.” 

Lay bid him goodbye and sat there alone finishing his drink and wondering if he’s doing something wrong. He checked his phone to see Xiao Zhan’s apology and texted him back.

~~

Xiao Zhan tried to forget everything from tonight and go to sleep but his mind wouldn’t just let him rest. So he did what any sane drunk man would do in the middle of the night.. he picked up his phone and called the love of his life...the one who did not want anything to do with him.

Yibo picked up on the first ring and Xiao Zhan jumped right into the point at hand without even a hello or hi.

“Do you have feelings for me Bo di?”

…

“Say something will you?”

“Ge…I…” 

“Actually no, don’t answer that. I already know your answer Yibo. You made it loud and clear that night during the success party. I…I heard you…talking to Jiejie.…I thought if I could listen to that and smile like nothing happened, I could learn to move on from you. I thought i could be content with just having you in my life..so I didn’t want to disturb our friendship…I decided to forget everything and move on from you Yibo. But you are making it difficult for me Yibo. Why?”

The line was silent.

“Why were you there tonight? Do you know how hard it was for me to be on that date?And then you had to show up. And you came knowing we would be there?”

…

“Why are you doing this to me Bo di? Can’t you let me go, if you don’t love me? It hurts so much Yibo, you have no idea. You..you will never know..you will never understand me or my feelings!”

Yibo just listened without interrupting.

“You..you promised me Bo di.. to give me space…you promised me that night that you’ll give me time to move on from you. Why are you breaking your promise now? How will I ever get over you if you don’t let me?”

Xiao Zhan was now crying. This is the second time he expressed his love for Yibo and yet got the same response both the times.. silence.

His heart broke..he hated himself for calling Yibo and putting himself through this pain again. 

Yibo had never really seen Xiao Zhan cry this much, not unless they were acting. He not only hurt him but also made him cry multiple times now..twice in the same night.

“I’m sorry Zhan ge..sorry for tonight..sorry for making you cry…sorry for everything. I’ll not bother you again. I’ll give you all the space you need, I’ll walk out of your life if that’s what you want. But just remember one thing okay…I’ll always be your Bo di..I’ll always be there for you…whenever you need me. I’ll be here waiting for you”

....

Even though he asked Yibo to stay out of his life, this was not what he expected the outcome of the call would be. He still held on to a small ray of hope that may be Yibo’s jealousy meant something…but it was shattered now.. everything would be over between them after this call. Xiao Zhan hung up without saying anything more. He curled himself up in bed and cried himself to sleep that night. This has almost become a habit now for him. 

Another thing that was becoming a habit.. apologizing to Lay.

“I’m really sorry, I left like that” Zhan said sincerely

“That’s ok ZhanZhan. You don’t sound well. How are you feeling? Everything okay?… I mean with Yibo.”

“I’m fine..really! And Yibo…everything is fine with him too. You don’t have to worry!”

“Do you have something to tell me Zhan?”

“What do you mean? I just called to apologize for last night”

“I mean..about Yibo?

“I…he..” Zhan hesitated trying to think of how best to explain the situation

“It’s ok if you don’t want to talk about it. But I think I get it anyways”

“It’s not that.. it’s not what you are thinking”

“And what exactly am I thinking Zhan?”

“There’s nothing going on between us. It’s nothing like that. He doesn’t even like me.”

“But you do! Don’t you?”

…

“That’s ok Zhan. I know how feelings work. And you can talk to me when you are ready. I won’t push you. Whatever it is that is going on between you two..I just wish you resolve it soon.. so I get our first date again..and this time..I hope it would be just the two of us”

“Hm. I would like that too”

“I can’t wait to see you again.” Lay ended the call excitedly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi Everyone, sorry for posting so late. Work has been crazy past few weeks. But here I'm and I will try to finish the story as soon as possible.
> 
> Please remember that this is a work of fiction and so I might have got some events wrong and timings mixed up and might not be the actual facts. So please just ignore the details and enjoy the story as this is just for fun.


	5. Realization

“Wang Yibo! Look up to the right like you are admiring the view and smile a little please. Be a little more lively” the photographer said clicking away with the camera.

Yibo looked as indicated and gave his signature half smile. 

“Yibo, give a full smile..like you are really happy about being here” the man called out

Yibo remained the same. He hardly smiled these days, on or off camera, photoshoot or drama shoot, nothing mattered..he just didn’t smile much anymore. He was already well known to be cold and aloof but these days he was more distant than ever.

He gave a frustrated look at the camera indicating the photographer to move on to the next shot. He finished the remaining shoot hurriedly and walked out of the set.

Yibo immediately moved on to the next schedule for the day, he was going to practice on the race track before going on set to shoot his new dance reality show. He made sure that he did not have a break in between schedules. He hated being idle with nothing to do..he hated taking rest…he hated being lonely at home..he hated almost everything now. Being alone and idle takes him back to the night… the night when he spoke to Xiao Zhan for the last time..the night when he decided to walk out of Xiao Zhan’s life. The guilt of making him cry that night was still haunting him…when he closed his eyes..he could still hear Xiao Zhan crying. So he kept himself buried in work without giving his mind and heart a break to think through these things.

Wang Yibo’s popularity hit an all time high after he joined the Street Dance of China. He gained more followers and fans with his dance performances, top notch hosting and mentoring week after week. As much as fans enjoyed his seductive dance moves, there were also some criticizing him for his over the top behavior sometimes. The show particularly was being criticized for being biased and rigged. This has always been a part of his life. Success and controversy always came hand in hand and he was used to that.

This time Yibo only focused on the dance..after all that was his first passion. These past few weeks he had been happy planning his dance routines and practicing the moves as much as he could. But the show was coming to an end already and this disappointed him, even though he has a new drama planned to start shooting within a few days.

Tonight was the shooting for the penultimate episode and Yibo was quite exhausted when the shoot ended. When he walked backstage to change and head out, he felt someone rammed a truck into him… pushing him back 4 months through time to the night when he first saw Xiao Zhan in Lay’s arms. 

He had barged through Lay’s dressing room to talk to him before leaving, and stumbled upon them in each other’s arms. Xiao Zhan was on the set, but not to meet him…he was there to meet his boyfriend. The scene in front him knocked Yibo off his feet when the guilt and the heartbreak came rushing back to him.

He apologized and immediately ran out of there even when Lay was calling out for him to stop. All the self control and composure Yibo practiced the past few months went down the drain in an instant. He felt he went to square one where he started four months back, nothing changed..it still hurt thinking about Xiao Zhan…it still hurt that he was not part of his life anymore..still hurt thinking how much he had hurt his Zhan ge. But he was not ready to face him yet, he wasn’t sure if Xiao Zhan was ready to see him yet, so he ran out of there as fast as he could.

Yibo had been very careful not to bring up Xiao Zhan or anything about their personal lives for the entirety of the shooting with Lay. They only talked about the show, their teams, dance and their schedules..Yibo made sure never to pry and always avoided discussing anything other than work. So he did not know that Xiao Zhan would be visiting..he wasn’t even sure if they were still together or not. But it had been confirmed now and again he wasn’t happy about it. He was confused as why he couldn’t be happy for his friend but could not figure out his own heart. He just dismissed the thoughts and went to sleep that night only to wake up to a bigger nightmare in the coming week.

~~

When Yibo was on his way back from an ad shoot the next day, his manager asked him if he had been online since morning or even the past week.

“No, not really…what happened?”

“Nothing..nothing for you to worry about. Best to stay away from Weibo and all social media for a while” she said.

“What do you mean? Why? Did something happen? Tell me!” he said angrily while demanding for his phone back.

When Yibo took the phone, he checked the trending topics on Weibo and was shocked beyond belief when he saw that the top 5 trending topics were all related to Xiao Zhan.

**XiaoZhanShouldApologize**   
**BoycottXiaoZhan**   
**UntamedWorstDramaEver**   
**XiaoZhanBringAo3Back**   
**WeStillLoveXiaoZhan**

It took Yibo a while to read through all the trending articles to finally understand what has been happening with Xiao Zhan for the past week. What started with a fan fiction story has now come to antis asking Xiao Zhan to kill himself to take responsibility. Yibo was crying as he read through all the hate comments. Hate from antis was drowning the support and love from his true fans who still supported him.  
Yibo wanted to see Xiao Zhan right away or at least call him to show support but his managed grabbed his phone immediately.

“You are not to call him or meet him or post anything about him” She said 

“What? Give me back my phone now!” he demanded

“This is a direct order from Du Hua herself, you need to listen to me, please Yibo!” she pleaded. “This is not as bad as you think…and you know Xiao Zhan, he will come out strong from it. You don’t need to get involved.” she continued

“Ok I won’t post anything but I can still talk to him right..just to make sure that he’s doing okay” he asked as he wiped his tears.

“I thought you guys were not on speaking terms anymore. Let this incident not change that Yibo. Now is the time for you to be on top, we will be getting out of this with maximum advantage. So please don’t ruin it. Let things happen as they are for once. Don't interfere”

“What do you mean by that? What advantage?”

“Hm..he has already been dropped by some brands and some have not renewed their contracts and all of them are now looking for you. So this is a wonderful opportunity to take the lead over him Yibo. Do you understand how good this is for you?”

Yibo was dumbfounded. More than the online haters, his manager’s words hurt Yibo the most at that moment. Making the most of someone else’s misfortune…Zhan ge’s misfortune. He hated this..he could never do that to Xiao Zhan. But he knew that if this is what his agency and Du Hua wanted then he had no other choice but to go along with it no matter how much it hurt him, he would never be able to talk them out of it. He decided it was best to keep mum for the moment and to seek Xiao Zhan out as soon as he was alone. He needed to know how Xiao Zhan was coping with all this hate. 

~~

It was finally the last day of shooting on SDC and Yibo was as nervous as he was excited. All his and his team’s hard work could be recognized or forgotten in an instant tonight. But his mind was also distracted by everything happening around Xiao Zhan. He could barely concentrate.

He was very frustrated when two of his team mates had to battle it out on his own song…that only meant one of them was going to be eliminated and that annoyed him. He tried his best not to show the disappointment on his face, he just wanted all this to be over soon, so he can reach out to Xiao Zhan.

The long wait for the final winner announcement was nerve wracking for Yibo. But he was ecstatic and jumped up in joy when his team member was announced as the winner. They did it, all the handwork finally paid off…he was happy and hugged everyone enthusiastically. Yet his joy seemed to be short lived…when he suddenly remembered how Xiao Zhan must be hurting right now.

After the celebrations ended and bidding farewell to his team mates and the staff, Yibo sought out for Lay before he left. He had to ask him about Xiao Zhan.

“What do you mean you don’t know?” Yibo was surprised when Lay said he was not aware of how Xiao Zhan was doing.

“It means, I don’t know Yibo. What else can I say? I really have no idea how he’s coping with all this. Even I never expected all this to go out of hand so quickly and so badly” Lay confessed

“But why do you not know ge? Did you not talk to him today?”

“I haven’t talked to him since this happened actually. The last time I saw him was the night of our last shoot when you ran out on us” Lay frowned.

“So you haven’t talked to him since this mess happened? But how could you do that to him? He needs you right now and you do not care? You are his boyfriend for crying out loud!” Yibo was almost yelling at Lay now

“Yibo.. calm down! I think you are mistaken. We are not boyfriends Yibo. I do not know how he’s doing right now but trust me I do care and I did try to reach out many times over the week but he seems to have pushed everyone out of his life now. You know with all the hate people are receiving by just showing support. So he’s shut himself off from everyone after telling us to stay out of this mess. No one has heard from him actually” Lay explained

Yibo was lost for words, he was dumbstruck again.

“Yibo..” Lay called out

“What do you mean you are not boyfriends? He came on set to see you last week. You guys were dating…you..back then… back then you liked each other.” Yibo finally spoke

“Well..we tried to date..once…and someone interrupted..hope you remember” Lay chuckled

“You broke up because of that?I apologized, I told you there was nothing between us” Yibo protested with tears filling up his eyes once again that day

“No Yibo.. its not your fault. And it wasn’t because of that night. But the feelings were just not mutual. Only I liked him..he did not like me as much, so we decided to just be friends. And have become really close since then. He was on set that day because he was just passing by and we had not seen each other in a long while. But how is it possible that you did not know any of this?”

Yibo was in despair. After listening to Lay, all Yibo could think was that Xiao Zhan was all alone, no one was by his side to support him when he's hurting. He had once promised Xiao Zhan he would be there for him whenever he needed him and he would keep that promise even if it cost him his career or reputation. He sprinted off from there leaving Lay behind, plotting in his head on how to meet Xiao Zhan that night while keeping it a secret from his manager, bodyguards and the whole agency. He had to see Xiao Zhan as soon as possible.


	6. Agony

Wang Yibo was quiet all through the ride back home. He told his manager that he was too tired to be part of the victory celebrations and requested to head home. As soon as he was dropped off at his apartment and his bodyguard left him, Yibo changed, put on a hat, glasses and mask and got out of the apartment through the back entrance. He entered the garage and took his bike out to ride to Xiao Zhan’s house. 

He did not try calling him to ask how he was doing. He needed to see him, even if Xiao Zhan was not willing to meet him. He wasn’t even sure if Xiao Zhan was home..in town or even still living in the same apartment. But nothing was going to stop him for reaching out to Xiao Zhan tonight.

When Yibo got to Xiao Zhan’s place, he again bypassed the front entrance to avoid any snooping fans. When he got to the apartment, he hesitated knocking on the door. He paused for a few minutes to think..he was scared that Zhan would be angry or not see him or even shut him out completely. But nothing mattered to him anymore and he knocked..holding his heart in his hand.

There was no response. _May be he isn’t home? May be he’s staying with his parents? May be this is not the right place?_ A thousand thoughts ran through Yibo’s head in an instant.

But he kept knocking until he heard footsteps inside. He got anxious called out.

“Zhan ge! It’s me… Yibo”

There was no response from inside and Yibo was horrified that he gave his identity away to some strangers. But the door opened in the next moment.

“I think I told you to stop doing this Wang Yibo” Xiao Zhan frowned.

As much as he was looking gorgeous Xiao Zhan’s disheveled attire, his drunken state and the bags under his eyes scared Yibo.

“Sorry ge.. I didn’t mean to disturb you. I just wanted to see if you are doing okay. I…I just heard today…I came as soon as possible…I’m so sorry for what’s happening…if I can do..” Yibo kept rambling when Xiao Zhan shut the door on him.

“Go away Yibo. I’m doing fine and I don’t need you here” Xiao Zhan shouted from across the closed door.

“Ge…ge pls..let me in..please I won’t be long…please open the door ge”

“Please just go Yibo. It’s not good for you if someone sees you here”

“I don’t care about that. Just please let me in..ge pls” Yibo pleaded but Xiao Zhan remained adamant.

….

“Ge..I’m not going to leave from here until you talk to me. I hope you are listening because I will be waiting here until you open the door..even through whole night if I must”

….

“Ge..are you still listening? I know I promised to stay out of your life but I also promised that I would be there for you when you need me…So here I’m ge…just please talk to me once”

….

Yibo waited by the door patiently for Xiao Zhan to let him in. After a while, he could not hear any noises from inside and assumed Xiao Zhan must have gone to sleep. But he was not going to give up after coming this far, so he settled himself by the door…he would wait however long it takes for his Zhan ge to let him back into his life.

~~

On the other side of the door, Xiao Zhan was fighting his urge to open the door and let Yibo in. But he couldn’t risk it, he couldn’t bring Yibo down with him. This was not the time…so he waited for Yibo to grow tired on his own and head back home. He knew that Yibo was stubborn but he still hoped he could come to his senses after an hour or two of waiting. So he also sat by the door waiting for Yibo to leave. 

Slowly three hours had passed and neither of the men moved..both of them struggling to keep their eyes open but not giving up on each other.

After another hour, Xiao Zhan was the one who grew impatient and opened the door suddenly making Yibo fall back at his feet. 

“Ouch! Ge! That hurt! You could have warned me” he complained

“Enough with this shit Yibo, just go home” Xiao Zhan growled

Yibo jumped to his feet and barged his way in, locking the door behind him. He immediately grabbed Xiao Zhan and pulled him into a tight hug.

“Ge..I’m sorry.. I know you don’t want to see me.. I know you don’t want me here..but I know how sensitive you are.. I know you must be hurting.. that’s why I wanted to be here for you.”

Xiao Zhan could no longer control his tears, the alcohol in him made him too emotional to reject the hug. He gave in to the hug.. to Yibo and started to let go of all the pent up hurt. He was now ugly crying into Yibo’s shirt and he didn’t care…Yibo didn’t care either.

He was patting circles on Xiao Zhan’s back trying to comfort him, whispering comforting words into his ear.

“It’s ok Zhan ge.. you cry and let it all out. But remember, it’s not your fault okay? Nothing is your fault. You are the victim here.. you did nothing wrong!”

Yibo kept repeating these words until Xiao Zhan calmed down and they finally moved inside the house. 

“Thanks for coming and thanks for comforting me.. I guess I really needed that tonight…I’ve been trying to be strong for so long..but I was lonely and drunk I guess and lost it completely for a second there” Xiao Zhan tried to explain his behavior to Yibo.

“It’s ok ge..I don’t mind. I came here to make sure you are doing fine. I came knowing that you will need me.”

“Thanks again Bo di”

Yibo felt butterflies in his stomach when he heard Xiao Zhan address him as Bo di. It had been so long and he missed it terribly… he missed this familiar feeling between the two..he missed his Zhan ge.

“But you should head back now. It’s already too late and don’t you have any shoots tomorrow?”

“I have couple of days off since I just finished SDC tonight.”

“Oh! I see!”

“So..can I stay over tonight” Yibo asked sheepishly

“Bo di..I’m really grateful that you care and that you risked coming over tonight but I really don’t want you to get involved in this mess. I don’t know how long this will go on and who all it will impact…some of my friends have already received hate just for supporting me.. and my family has received death threats too…So I really can’t let you be part of this right now. You should seriously head back. I know that you care and that’s all that matters right?”

“No! I don’t care how much hate I receive if this gets out, I don’t care if everyone boycotts me too… but I don’t want to leave you alone in this situation. I will be there for you as long as you need me. I already know that you shut out all your friends and have stopped them from interacting with you..so if I leave, you will have no one. You will be drinking and lonely again.. I can’t imagine you like that ge.. I just can’t.. I want to be here with you” Yibo held on to Xiao Zhan’s hands and pleaded with him to let him stay.

“How did you know that I shut everyone out?” 

“I heard from your boyf…I heard from Lay”

“Oh!”

“Ge..pls can I stay with you?”

“Okay Yibo.. you can stay the night and we will see what to do about tomorrow later”

“Thanks ge!” Yibo squealed in happiness. Even though this is not how he wanted to be back in Xiao Zhan’s life…even though the situation they were in right now was a mess…it still made him happy that Xiao Zhan accepted him..atleast for tonight.. and that was enough for Yibo…for now.

~~

Yibo woke up to rattling noises coming from the kitchen. It was still early but Yibo found Xiao Zhan trying to make coffee and breakfast in the kitchen. He looked exhausted and may be a little frustrated too.

“Good morning ge” Yibo tried to be cheerful

“hmm” Xiao Zhan replied coldly

_His eyes are swollen, did he cry again after I fell asleep? Did he not sleep at all?_

“Why are you up so early? You should go sleep some more. I can make breakfast” Yibo started..

“It’s ok. I’ve got enough sleep.”

_He’s avoiding looking at me. Does he regret me being here? Did he only let me in because of the alcohol?_

“Ge..do you…”

“There’s a new tooth brush under the sink, clean up and come have some food.”

“But ge.. I just…”

“Yibo.. just hurry please” Xiao Zhan said while serving the food onto the plate.

_Did something happen again? Why is he avoiding me?_

Yibo just stood there thinking to himself when Xiao Zhan glared at him. He apologized and hurried into the bathroom to clean up. When he came out, he found Xiao Zhan on the balcony talking to someone on his phone.. Yibo could guess he was talking to his studio.

“Yeah, I really don’t think we should wait any longer. It’s getting out of hand now……hmm…ok….yes I recorded the apology this morning and mailed over.. post that right away please…hmm..sure…no…I’m…I’m not alone…I’ll be fine…okay.. bye”

When Xiao Zhan turned around Yibo was waiting for him at the door.

“Ge did something happen again? I didn’t charge my phone, so I haven’t been online…were you talking to your studio team? Can I …”

“Yibo…you don’t have to worry about it. Now let’s have some food, so you can get going”

“What? No! I don’t want to leave. I told you last night, I want to be here with you”

“Wang Yibo…I’m already having a hard time and it’s not even 9 am…don’t make it worse. Let’s just eat first ok” 

Yibo looked at Xiao Zhan’s frustrated and sad face and could no longer argue with him. He just walked back to the dining area following Xiao Zhan to have his coffee and breakfast. But he was not really the kind to let go easily. He sat quietly for a while gobbling down his food…he was actually hungry as he had not eaten anything since yesterday afternoon and the food was very tasty..he had missed Xiao Zhan’s cooking.

Once he was done eating, he slowing picked up the conversation again.

“So can you at least not tell me what happened”

Xiao Zhan did not answer.

“Are you done eating..I’ll do the dishes.” he picked up his and Yibo’s plates and moved to the kitchen. He looked so mad and his eyes were so sad that it hurt Yibo to just look at him.

Xiao Zhan threw the dishes in the sink in one swift motion and then dumped the pan he cooked in into the sink as well. He picked up the glasses next to throw when Yibo hugged him from the back.

“What are you doing? Let me go Yibo”

Yibo did not answer and continued to hold him from the back.

“Wang Yibo.. let me go..Now!”

…..

They stayed like that for a few mins until Xiao Zhan cooled down. He pulled out of Yibo’s arms when he did cool down.

“So..now can you tell me what happened?”

“I’m sorry for my behavior. I was.. I was just so mad.. I don’t even know at who” he sat back down on the table. Yibo followed him quietly and sat down next to him.

“It’s ok ge.. you are allowed to get mad. I always get mad and yell at people”

Zhan chuckled lightly at Yibo’s remark. “I was supposed to start shooting for my next drama tomorrow. But now we’ve been told that the shooting has been postponed indefinitely…of course it just means they dropped me and are being too polite by hiding the truth” he faked a laugh.

“So why are you sad? They should be the one’s to be sad.. they are missing out on an amazing opportunity to work with you. You don’t need to worry ge.. I’m sure everything will be over soon”

“I might also be over by then” Xiao Zhan said sadly

“That won’t happen.. I won’t let that happen” Yibo took Xiao Zhan’s hands into his own and promised him.

Xiao Zhan tried to fake a smile again. Yibo knew him well enough to know if the smile was real or fake. And Xiao Zhan had not smiled at him even once since last night like the way he always used to.

“Why do you suddenly care so much about me Bo di?”

The bluntness hurt Yibo but he didn’t want to give up on his Zhan ge so easily.

“I always did ge.. I just didn’t show that you before” he smiled looking directly into Zhan’s eyes.

“But why are you being so nice to me now Bo di?”

“I’m always nice Zhan ge..you didn’t know?” Yibo smirked

“You just told me two seconds ago that you always yell at people”

“Ahhh.. you know what I mean..I don't yell all the time.. I’m nice to people I like and may be a little mean to people I don’t”

“I know.. but why are you nice to me now? We are not friends anymore…did you forget?”

“Ge..why..how can you say that. I never stopped caring about you and I never stopped being your friend. I just stayed away because you wanted me to. But I’m here now, so can’t we go back to being friends again?”

“And what if I go back to falling in love with you? What will you do then?”

.....

.....


	7. Declaration of Love

“And what if I go back to falling in love with you? What will you do then?” 

Xiao Zhan’s direct question made Yibo flinch. Yibo avoided his eyes trying to figure out how best to answer that question. 

“Ge..” it was too late. The short moment of silence was torture enough for Xiao Zhan. He had already got up and moved away to the living room.

“Ge.. are you leaving me again?”

“You were never mine to leave you Yibo” he replied immediately

“Ge..I…” 

“I will go shower now.” he escaped to the bathroom before Yibo could finish.

_Argh! Yibo, you idiot! Yibo smacked his head in frustration._

_Why can’t I just tell him? Why can’t I tell him how I feel…I want him in my life.. I want to talk to him always.. I want to be with him when he’s sad…I need him to be around when I’m down…I know I only realized this after he was gone.._   
_But I didn’t know before that this is called love…I didn’t know what this feeling was…I still don’t know..but whatever it is..if this is exactly how he feels about me then fine, I will call it love.._   
_But why can’t I get myself to tell him that…it’s not like he’s going to reject me..right?…he’s loved me from long before..he’s loved me for me..the way I am…he will always love me the same right? Then what are you afraid of Yibo? You just have to hurt him every single time.. hasn’t he had enough already?_   
_I have to tell him.. I will tell him…but what if he doesn’t believe me? how can I show him that I feel the same…how…_

“Yibo..why are you just standing at the same spot till now?”

Xiao Zhan’s voice brought Yibo back to Earth. 

“Ge..I was thinking…”

“About?”

“I was thinking…may be you should ask Yuehua for help” What the hell am I talking about?

“What nonsense are you talking now Yibo?”

“Don’t get me wrong…they are just better equipped to deal with such type of things, they have experienced lawyers that can help you sue those antis”

“It is not a small group of antis targeting me Yibo..it’s the whole country..so I don’t think anyone had ever dealt with anything similar to this before. I appreciate the gesture, but can you please let me deal with this on my own. I really don’t need any help from you, I can’t get you in any trouble, so let me and my studio handle it. I’m sure they can manage.” Xiao Zhan said fondly  
You knew this would be his answer right? You are just turning into a bigger idiot by the minute,Yibo

“So are you really sure, you want to spend your day off with me here..stuck at home?”

“Yes! Pls..please don’t ask me to leave”

“Ok ok fine..so what do you want to do then?”

“Let’s play some video games like we used to?”

“Hmm..sure..you pick the game”

~~

They kept playing late into the afternoon and Xiao Zhan beat Wang Yibo comfortably most of the time. 

“I won! Again!”

“You are getting good at this gene”

“Or may be you are just letting me win!”

….

“Are you? coz you pity me now?”

“What the hell are you talking about?No way! You know how competitive I am…I’m just a little rusty since I haven’t played in a while”

“Doesn’t seem that way Bo di”

“There is no way, I will just let you win. Have you been practicing.. tell me honestly”

“Shut up Yibo”

“What? Why? What did I do?”

They almost started with their usually playful bickering when Yibo’s phone rang and brought them back to reality.

“Oh Sorry! That’s my phone…it must have charged now”

“Yes, yes go on, pick it up. I’ll get the lunch ready, you must be hungry by now.”

“Thanks ge” he scurried off to pick up his phone.

When Yibo came back after his call, Xiao Zhan had already set up the table and waiting for him.

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t prepare any proper food because you kept me busy with the games from morning. So it’s just instant ramen for now. Don’t mind!”

“Ge..you know how much I love ramen” Yibo immediately dug in, but Xiao Zhan noticed that his mood was slightly off from before.

“What’s wrong Bo di? Who was on the phone?”

“Nothing ge..It was just my manager.” he kept slurping the noodles without even looking up.

“And?”

“This is so good ge.. I really like eggs in my ramen” Yibo tried his best to change the subject

“Yibo!”

“Ok ok.. It was my manager, she wanted to come by to drop off some scripts for me to read on my break”

“Oh! You didn’t…”

“Ofcourse no.. I didn’t tell her where I was..but she got mad…so I got mad and then I hung up and that’s it!”

“Yibo..this is not good..you shouldn’t…”

“Ge..I swear to God! If you ask me to leave again..”

“Hmm..that’s scary! But I was just going to say that may be you shouldn’t be making your manager worry. I mean..”

Yibo’s phone rang again. He looked at the caller and hesitated to pick up.

“Is it her again? Won’t you answer?”

“Hm..No..it’s…it’s Yixing ge”

“So why aren’t you answering?”

“I don’t want to. I yelled at him yesterday.”

“What did u say? Why? What did he do?”

“He did nothing and that is why I was mad.”

“God! Bo di.. you are not making sense again. I don’t want to know anymore. Let me have my food in peace” Xiao Zhan gave up

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Huh?”

“Why didn’t you tell me ge?”

“What now Bo di?”

“About him..all this while..I thought you both were in a relationship”

“Oh! We were not really keeping in touch Yibo, remember?”

“But…”

“But how long have you known?”

“He told me last night.”

“Oh!”

“So what has that got to do with you ignoring him now?”

“Nothing! I just don’t like him anymore”

“Yibo.. what are you? 5? Why are you like this?”

“No…I’m actually 3 and I don’t care. I’m not talking to him…for now”

“Fine..fine..whatever! Come help me clean the dishes, we are short of them after my outburst from morning” he chuckled

“You didn’t tell me still.”

“What?”

“Why are you both not in a relationship? I thought…you said…you liked him”

Xiao Zhan avoided Yibo’s stare and walked away with the empty bowls.

_May be…he still likes me? Even if he doesn’t, I should just tell him how I feel and face the rejection head on._

Yibo followed him into the kitchen. 

“I’ll help”

“Just dry these off and put them back?” Xiao Zhan handed him the washed bowls

“I…I have to tell…”

“Oh Yibo! I almost forgot! I have some cake in the fridge, I know you love chocolate cake. Hurry up, let’s have some” Zhan dried his hands and hurried away to get the cake out.

Once they were done eating the cake, Xiao Zhan went into his bedroom to make a quick call to his manager and Yibo decided to play some more.

_I missed the chance again. I have to tell him before he makes me leave tomorrow. Yibo was now plotting how he should confess his feelings without seeming like an asshole who rejected him the first time around._

Xiao Zhan again looked downhearted when he emerged from the bedroom after the call.

“Ge.. what happened now?”

“Bo di…nothing new. But I think I need some alone time…maybe I will do some painting in the study room. Are you fine here?”

Yibo was reluctant to leave him alone, but respected his wish.

“Sure ge..I will be here if you need me.”

“Thanks Yibo.”

Yibo quickly went online to see if anything else happened since morning. And he was right. Xiao Zhan’s studio had posted an apology but that was also received with hate and negativity. Anyone showing support openly was being irrationally condemned. Yibo’s heart sank again for the hundredth time in the last 3 days.

_I really wish he would talk to me… tell me how he’s feeling.. but he’s always been like this.. never one to confide..never one to bother others with his problems…Zhan ge is the strongest person I know.. I know he will pull through this without my help…I know he doesn’t need me…still…I..I hope I could do more for him right now. I can’t burden him with my stupid confession right now.. it’s not the right time…I will just love him silently like he has been doing from the beginning._

Yibo could barely focus on the game, it had already been 3 hours since Zhan shut himself in the study. Yibo was now pacing back and forth in front of Xiao Zhan’s study unable to decide, to go in or wait for him to come out. He was trying to come up with an excuse to peek in and check up on Zhan when the door suddenly opened.

“What are you doing here Yibo?”

“Me? Nothing!”

“You have been outside the door for quite some time Yibo, I could hear your footsteps. Did you need something?”

“No..No..I..I just wanted to know what you would like for dinner. I was thinking will order something”

“Oh! Sorry I lost track of time. Anything is fine with me Yibo, I don’t have much of an appetite anyways. I will just clean up here and join you in the living room”

Yibo followed Zhan into the study to see what he has been working on for so long but all he found was torn up papers all over the ground. He quickly started helping Xiao Zhan to clean up. When their eyes met, Yibo could see the despair in his eyes. Before he could say anything, Zhan was rushing out of the room with the trash and screaming over to Yibo.

“I think I will have a glass of wine now. Do you feel like it Yibo?”

_I wish I could do something to cheer him up._

“Coming?” Xiao Zhan called from the living room. He was holding two glasses already filled with wine.

“Let me just order some food first and then I will join you” Yibo called back.

When Yibo joined Xiao Zhan, Zhan was on his phone again while sipping wine.

“Ge.. I told you to not go online for few days” Yibo bleated

“No Yibo, I was just replying to my Mom…telling her that I’m perfectly fine” Zhan said a little sarcastically. “C’mon Yibo, let’s drink some wine. This is really good, you will like it.”

“We should toast!” Zhan continued when Yibo picked up the glass. 

“Zhan ge” Yibo replied

“What?” Zhan asked with a puzzled look on his face.

“I meant, we should toast to you! Xiao Zhan…beautiful, kind, caring, smart, strong and the best the world has to offer” Yibo said raising his glass.

“That is a bit…too narcissistic.. don’t you think? Toasting to myself” Zhan smiled finally

“No.. now c’mon.. cheers! To Zhan ge”

“Fine.. To me I suppose!” Zhan smiled again making Yibo’s heart flutter.

“Now! when is that food getting here?” Zhan asked while pouring himself another glass of wine.

“Ge..you are such a lightweight, do you really want to have another glass before the food gets here?” Yibo tries to stop him.  
Zhan swats Yibo’s hand away and starts gulping down the drink again.

“You know what you need ge?”

“What?”

“You need to get this self pity, the anger and the frustration out of your system. Like right now!”

“What does that even mean Bo di?”

Yibo grabs Xiao Zhan by his hand and walks him out into the small balcony that opens from his dining room.

“What are we doing here Yibo?”

“Scream! Shout! Curse! Just say whatever you want to say to all those haters out there. Let them know that they cannot break you with this” Yibo pleaded

“Are you insane Bo di.. don’t be an idiot. Do you want to create a scene in my apartments? The neighbors will hear us.” Xiao Zhan dismissed the idea and started walking back when Yibo stopped him by the elbow.

“Ok fine.. wait here! I will be right back” with that Yibo disappears for a full 15 mins before he heads back out with a bunch of papers in his hand and a trash can.

“Ah finally! I have been waiting for ever! What is all this Yibo?” Zhan was now tired and tipsy from the wine.

“I just printed out some of the comments that antis have been posting under your and y9our studio’s account.”

“Oh? Why?”

“Because you will be burning these now.”

“I’m doing what now?” Xiao Zhan was shocked

“Trust me ok. This will help. You just need to think that all the hate you have been receiving is in these papers. You need to burn them and close this chapter once and for all to never think of this again.”

“What? Yibo! No..I don’t think…”

“Trust me Xiao Zhan!” Yibo throws the printed out papers in the trash can, grabs Zhan’s wine to spill all over it and hands him a lighter.  
Xiao Zhan is unsure and just looks at him in surprise.

“C’mon.. think of all the cuss words you know.. swear/curse at those haters as loudly as you can…tell them all the things you have been wanting to…and then light it up” Yibo encouraged

Xiao Zhan was still not convinced. He just stood there with the lighter in his hand, thinking.

“Do it ge…please”

“Fine! To all the haters…I just want to say…”

“Ge..are you giving a speech? Put some more emotion into it. Vent out your anger. C’mon once more”

“Hmm… listen up all you antis, haters out there…I have done nothing wrong and don’t deserve all this hate you have been sending my way!” he was now yelling at the trash can which made Yibo smile fondly.

“I don’t care what you all think about me, I don’t care if you don’t accept my apology.. I don’t care about this anymore… I will continue to work hard like I always have been.. I will continue to live my life like I have been doing so far.. nothing you do is going to break me.. I’m strong willed and will get out of this whether you like it or not…so go ahead with your protests, your jealously, your hatred, block me, ban me, make me lose my work…whatever you throw at me…I will come out strong at the end….I will show you all what I’m capable of..I will fight this and get back on the top like I deserve.” Zhan continued to vent at the trash can and finally lit the papers.

He turns to Yibo once the papers are engulfed in flames. 

“Thanks Bo di.. I didn’t expect it.. but this surprisingly makes me feel good. This was very kind of you…thank you”

Yibo walks toward him and cups Xiao Zhan’s face in his large hands.

“Ge! Look at me! Focus on my words ok. You need to stop thinking about this situation now, stop hiding from friends and family.. stop pretending to be fine when you are not…let us help you. You can rely on us if you need to. As you said just now, you will have to believe in yourself that you can get over this and will come out strong at the end. That is how life is Ge..you win after you lose…life will throw many more such challenges at you and you have to remain tough! Forget all this and look forward now, do what you have been doing.. work hard and rise to the top again.. that is how you will prove everyone wrong. You have to achieve everything that you ever wanted, no one can hold you back. Don’t dwell on what’s happened or what’s lost, look forward to all the good things that await you. I only wish you to be happy and healthy always Ge!” Yibo says while maintaining eye contact with Xiao Zhan. Zhan’s eyes are now filled with tears and he was fighting real hard to not cry into Yibo’s arms again.

“Yibo…I…I don’t know what to say…thank you for staying with me…for supporting me…” 

  
Before Xiao Zhan could say anything more, Yibo pressed his lips against Zhan’s. It was a quick tender kiss for just a moment. Yibo immediately pulls back to look at Xiao Zhan, when the older does not resist or push him away, Yibo feels happy and closes in again for a second kiss that he hopes is a declaration of his love.


	8. I'm in Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, the story has come to an end. Hope everyone likes it.

Xiao Zhan pulled away from the kiss after what felt like eternity even though it couldn’t be longer than couple of minutes. When he looked at Yibo, it suddenly dawned on him what they have done. He was swept away by Yibo’s kindness and got carried away by his emotions. Before either of them could process what happened or talk about it, the door bell rang and Xiao Zhan jerked himself away from Yibo.

“I should get the door. That must be the food you ordered.” Zhan turned to walk away when Yibo called

“Ge…”

“You.. should probably stay here Yibo.. incase someone sees you. Come inside after I close the door.” with that Zhan went to open the door.

When Yibo walked back inside, Zhan was serving the food into the plates for them. 

“Ge..”

“Dinner is served Yibo. Come, eat!” Xiao Zhan says keeping his eyes on the food, refusing to look at Yibo. 

_He’s avoiding me again. Did he not like the kiss…did I cross the line?_

Yibo sits down across the table and starts picking at his food. They eat in silence for five minutes when Yibo stands and walks up to Xiao Zhan. He makes Zhan stand up and face him.

“We need to talk about what happened”

“It’s fine Yibo. I understand. You don’t have to take it seriously. Just forget it and move on”

“What are you talking about, Ge”

“Yibo.. It was just a moment of passion. I was emotional and vulnerable and we got carried away. No need to make anything out of it. I know how you feel about me. So let’s just pretend this never happened and get back to dinner. I’m starving!” 

Zhan was about sit back down when Yibo dragged him into his arms. 

“Ge.. it was not just a moment of passion for me. I wanted it to happen. I don’t want to forget it”

Zhan breaks out of Yibo’s embrace instantly.

“Are you playing with me again Bo di…It took me really long to get over you, I can’t go back there again…so..please..just let me be and don’t act this way from now on.”

“I won’t! I don’t want you to get over me. I will never toy with you Zhan ge..I mean it. I will never hurt you again, please trust me.”

“Yibo…what are you saying? You don’t have to pity me”

“It’s not pity. I really Love you ge…I have always loved you, I just didn’t realize my own feelings and then I lost you by the time I figured out what my heart desires. I’m sorry I hurt you, but I can’t lose you again ge…I love you…can you please take me back? I will love you for ever” 

Xiao Zhan was dumbfounded. It was not a confession from Yibo rather a desperate plea to accept his feelings…One which Zhan’s mind wanted to badly refuse…but his heart…his heart couldn’t ask for anything more in this lifetime.. he waited so long for this that it felt unreal.. Yibo was standing in front of him.. confessing to him…he was delighted…but also confused…he was happy…but also anxious…he was excited..but also scared.

“Yibo…I…”

“Ge…don’t…please don’t say that you don’t love me anymore. You don’t have to answer me right away…you take your time and think through it…I will wait for you…as long as you need”

“Yibo!”

“Ge…let’s eat now…don’t ask me to leave and don’t say that you don’t love me. Let’s just eat and you sleep on it ok. We will talk again tomorrow”

With that Yibo went back to his seat and started stuffing himself with food quietly. Xiao Zhan was still dumbstruck. They ate in silence and did the dishes together in silence. Once they were done placing the dishes back they stared at each other for a moment, unable to say anything to each other. 

“I’m going to sleep now Yibo…it’s late. Good night!” Zhan scurried away into his bedroom leaving Yibo alone.

~~

Xiao Zhan was tossing and turning in his bed. He still couldn’t believe what just happened. The love of his life finally confessed to him but he still had doubts in his head? The kiss was too good and he desired more. Everything felt delusive. Yibo’s confession was too late and also too soon…too unexpected and too unreal. After about an hour of not being able to sleep, Zhan walks out of his room to get himself some water when he sees Yibo sitting there on the couch. 

“What the hell Yibo…you scared me!” he screams

“Couldn’t sleep?”

“Mn.”

“Me too”

Yibo gestured Xiao Zhan to come sit by him on the couch.

“This is just too much Yibo. I don’t think now is the time for us to start anything. It will be too much of a mess for you to handle. May be you should think about this some more. “

“I don’t want to think about it. I know I’m in love with you and I want to be with you. I don’t care about the current circumstances or the future. We will face it together whatever comes our way. I just want you Zhan ge”

Zhan did not need anymore assurance, he couldn’t hold himself back anymore. He pushed Yibo down onto the couch and jumped on him kissing him.

“I love you too Bo di” he breathed between the kisses.

“I’ve loved you for so long…i have only ever loved you. You are the only one for me Wang Yibo”

Yibo was on cloud nine now. Xiao Zhan accepted his love and was kissing him all over, running his hands all over his body. Yibo was so happy he could die.

Xiao Zhan was now exploring every part of Yibo’s mouth fighting with his tongue for dominance. Yibo flinched when Zhan reached out under his shirt to play with his nipples. Zhan pulled Yibo’s shirt unto his neck and started sucking and biting on his pink colored nipples. He now planted himself completely between Yibo’s legs and was grinding their hips together while pulling his leg over his shoulder. He could feel Yibo’s length along his hard member and the friction through their clothes was making him insane. Yibo was moaning and that was only making him harder.

“Ge! Wait!”

Xiao Zhan was startled when Yibo spoke. 

“Sorry! Too fast? Want me to stop?” Zhan said embarrassed

“No! Bedroom?” Yibo asked coyly

~~

After almost a week of turmoil, Xiao Zhan felt light hearted when he woke up the next morning with Yibo still plastered against him in his arms. He had to pinch himself to believe that last night wasn’t a dream.

Venting out his anger, Yibo’s confession, the kisses and their first night together…everything felt so surreal. He was lost in thought when he noticed Yibo smiling gleefully in his sleep.

“Are you awake?”

“Mn”

“Why were you smiling, did you have a nice dream?”

“Yes! My dream came true. I woke up in your arms. Best day ever!” He moved up to kiss Xiao Zhan’s lips. He deepened the kiss while his hand found Xiao Zhan’s member under his shorts. He continued the onslaught of kisses while palming Zhan’s length. Xiao Zhan fumbled under the sheets to grab Yibo’s hardening length in return. They kissed sloppily, bodies entangled while rushing for their pleasures. 

“Seriously…best day ever!” Yibo repeated when they were both finally down from their high and now lying on their backs next to each other breathing heavily. Xiao Zhan giggled and pulled Yibo back into his arms.

“So what do you want to do today?” he asked

“Clean up!” Yibo chuckled

“After that?”

“Whatever you want to do ge”

“Let’s shower and have some brunch and then will decide how to spend the rest of the day”

“Sounds good”

~~

They spent the rest of the afternoon in each other’s arms, talking to each other, reminiscing the past, confessing their thoughts and just making up for the lost time and making most of the few hours they have left together before Yibo has to leave.

Yibo coils his hand into Zhan's and speaks “Ge…promise me that you won’t be upset anymore…whatever happens…you won’t drink alone…you won’t go online to check what’s happening…and you won’t shut yourself out again.”

“Okay I promise! I promise!”

“Promise me that you will call me and talk to me when you are depressed or frustrated or lonely”

“Okay fine, I promise. Anything else, my love?”

“I also want you to talk to your family and friends now. Tell them that you are fine, so they don’t worry anymore”

“Mn.Okay”

“Thank you for listening to me” Yibo planted a kiss on Zhan’s forehead

“I don’t have a choice. You are pest, and won’t let me be” Zhan growled

“But I’m your pest!”

“Yes, you are mine and I’m yours. Forever!” Zhan leaned in to kiss Yibo but he was pushed away. 

“Now get going and finish what I’ve asked you to do.”

Zhan begrudgingly picks up his phone and walks into the bedroom to do what Yibo has asked him.

When Xiao Zhan turned his phone back on, he received a call from his manager letting him know that his role has been cut from a variety show he had shot a while back. All the three dramas that he had finished, which were supposed to air in the summer have been pushed back into winter or even the next year. He was saddened by the news. When he finished the call, he was reminded of the promises he made to Yibo, his smiling face flashed before him…and just like that….all the gloom left him in an instant.

_I promised Yibo that I won’t be upset anymore. I won’t let this bother me. I’m not alone…I have Yibo with me now. I know I will get through this. All I need is his love and support._

Xiao Zhan spent rest of the evening calling his family and closest friends..apologizing for not being in touch lately and assuring them that he was doing well now. Though he still insisted that no one should support him and get dragged into this mess. Then he called up his studio to discuss his upcoming plans. 

By the time he was done with the calls, he found Yibo struggling to cook in the kitchen. 

“Yibo.. why are you doing this? I would have cooked for you”

“I wanted to cook for you Zhan ge. I knew you would be tired after talking to everyone for so long. It’s not so hard…I managed to make some easy pork fried rice. It is not as good as your cooking, but I hope you’ll like it.”

Zhan hugged him from behind. “I will like whatever you cook for me Bo di” he kissed the back of Yibo’s neck which sent shivers through Yibo’s spine. Zhan filled him in on the calls and the discussion with his manager while he continued to stir the rice.

As they ate, the impending separation was looming over their thoughts. It was Xiao Zhan who finally broke the silence and addressed the elephant in the room.

“When do you have to leave?”

“I’m taking the early morning flight out, so will have to sleep at my place tonight”

“When will you be back?”

“In two weeks. But I will message you and call you every chance I get. i will miss you so much ge!”

“I will miss you too Bo di” 

“Do you have anything planned this week?”

“I want to release a song. I have been thinking about it since morning. I have to put myself out there again. So I will start with a song and then maybe make some art piece when I release it”

“Wow! That’s great ge…do you have anything in mind for the song already?”

“I do…I will send it to you once I finalize everything”

“I can’t wait to hear your voice. I’m sure everyone will love it”

“I hope so Bo!”

“I love you Zhan ge”

“I love you too Bo di”

~~

The End.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back with another short angst filled Yizhan fic. I can't seem to get over these two.  
> This is just fiction from my imagination, so please do not take anything or anyone in the story seriously.  
> Please do leave comments and let me know what you think.


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